Denial
by emike11
Summary: Jade is happily in a relationship with Cat. But there is a part of her identity that she has yet to explore. Will her falling for Tori open up the possibilities for Jade to be happy with the two people she has feelings for?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

"I'm not sure what I wanna do for this next project coming up," Andre told Jade as he nervously bit his pencil. "I mean, I know you don't always like the style I go with."

"Just please, let me be your partner on this one and next time you have writer's block, I'll write your entire song for you," Jade pleaded.

"Why you so against working with Tori anyway?" he asked. Jade removed his pencil from his mouth forcing his attention onto her.

"Andre, lemme paint a picture for you: Tori is an attractive female. We will be working side-by-side in an intimate setting doing intimate things. Now, I have a girlfriend so that means…"

"Nah, nah, keep painting for me. This is starting to get good." Jade hit his shoulder. "Look, you know I'm not like that…except on Tuesday nights when my grandma's gone and I have the computer to myself and…"

"Andre! Focus! Be my partner!"

"Jade, you know I would. It's just that I promised Devin I'd be his partner for this one because we kinda wanna take this in a jazzy direction."

"I can be jazz. Hell, I can be the jazziest…yeah I can't do this." Jade turned around frantically for anyone else who wasn't Tori to be her partner.

"Jade, you pair up with Tori," the teacher said before she could grab anyone else. Jade sighed and made her way over to the smaller girl who was sitting quietly reading.

"Eh-Hem!" she coughed announcing her presence. Tori help up a finger, her eyes moved about the page with intention.

"And….you can talk to me now." She closed the book and gave Jade her full and undivided attention.

"Look, I know we have had disagreements in the past, Vega. But, this is for a grade and I really hate relying on other people for my scholarly well-being so…"

"I hear ya, Jade. You don't always have to put on a front when working with other people. I want a good grade just as much as you do it's just that I don't want you or me doing all the work. I still don't see why he pairs us up."

"It's probably because he knows some people aren't as inclined when it comes to writing music as opposed to lyrics."

"It's the downfall of music: everyone wants to be a poet but no one wants to be a composer." Maybe working with Tori wasn't going to be all that bad. "So, how about we meet up at my house for the recoding sessions?"

"Um, sure, when?"

"Are you and Cat doing anything tonight?"

"Yeah, we have dinner plans but I can open up my schedule tomorrow night."

"Alright, there we go." Tori went back to reading.

"What are you reading?" Jade asked genuinely curious now. Tori flipped over the book as if she'd forgotten what she was reading in the first place. Jade rolled her eyes. It annoyed the hell out of her when people did that.

"It's Atonement by…"

"Yeah, yeah I know of the book. The movie swept the Oscars years ago. I meant, what is it about? I haven't read the book or seen the movie."

"Um, perception. How we can sometimes trick our minds into thinking things are happening…I guess innocence of a child should be in there somewhere as well…I'm not sure. I guess I'll just have to tell you when I'm done reading it."

"That you will." The bell rang.

"Tomorrow night?"

"Tomorrow night."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

Jade stood on the Valentine's porch tugging a little bit at the skirt she was wearing. It was so cold outside. Why was she stupid enough to pick this out to wear? Maybe she was just more in love than she thought she was.

"Yay!" Cat yelled when she opened the door and saw what Jade was wearing. She threw her arms around Jade's neck and planted a kiss on her lips. "I've missed you."

"We saw each other at school today," Jade replied.

"But I still missed you," Cat said nuzzling her nose into Jade's neck. Something inside of Jade melted and she warmed up. Only Cat had that effect on her icy exterior. She took Cat's hand and led her to the car.

"Where do you want to go tonight?" she asked her girlfriend.

"Doesn't matter to me. I'm with you," Cat replied blushing at her own words. Jade was trying not to smile as she started the car and peeled out of the driveway.

"I was thinking maybe just grabbing something cheap and then going to see a show or something," Jade suggested.

"That would work." The two of them ended up eating at a small hole-in-the-wall Chinese place that had faded yellow dragons on the peeling wallpaper. It distracted Cat to a certain extent. Jade could observe her trying to count them. Jade would have been upset for her lack of conversation if it wasn't so cute.

"So, have you given any thought to what I said the other day?" Jade asked.

"Given to what now?" Cat said snapping back into reality.

"Ya know, about us moving in together this summer when we both go out to New York City?"

"Oh! That thing! Well, I have. I think it's a wonderful idea. However…"

"Shit, you really did think about it."

"I really don't think it's a good idea just to be all alone with each other like that."

"But, that's all I want."

"I know, babe. But think about it this way: if we're in a city where no one but us knows us then what will we do when something bad happens?" Jade wished that Cat were as smart as she looked sometimes. She really just wanted Cat to pick up and move away with her away from all the bad things that had plagued their relationship the last year and a half. Beck being passive aggressive about Jade breaking his heart. Robbie and Rex being rude about the image of Jade and Cat together. Other people Jade was attracted to…

"You have a point but what if it's for the best to just start fresh. We can make friends once we're there…"

"We have to find jobs first."

"Which we will! We're both talented…"

"Lots of talented people move out to New York for the same reason and don't do anything with their lives but wait on tables."

"Baby, I love you, but you're crushing me here." Cat smiled and took Jade's hand.

"Everything is going to work out the way that it's supposed to. Maybe we'll get a gig out here instead and that way we don't have to leave everything we know behind."

"Sometimes I wish you were as impulsive as I am," Jade said taking her hand back. Cat looked hurt.

"Please don't be sad," she pleaded. Jade knew exactly how to hit Cat where it hurt. Cat didn't like hurting other people's feelings more than anything else in the world. "Please…" Jade realized how terrible she was being and sighed.

"You're lucky you make me want to be a little better of a person," she told Cat taking her hand once more. "So…have you thought about that conversation we had the other night?"

"The one we had after…" Jade reached up and covered her mouth looking around.

"Jesus, you're loud."

"Not as loud as I was the other night…" Jade covered her mouth once more and put a finger to her lips.

"Anyways…" Cat sighed and stirred her drink sadly.

"I don't like sharing, Jade," she admitted.

"I'm not asking you to share me…well not yet…not exactly…"

"I respect you. You know that right? But you have to respect me too. I'm not polyamorous."

"I want this to work, Cat. I don't see how it could when I have all these feelings for other people bottled up and not able to express them. It's not like I'm actively hitting on people while you're at my side. When I'm with you, I am with you. I don't want to be with anyone else during our time. But then again, when I'm with another person I only want to be with them with it's our time."

"I understand. I'm not stupid…"

"I'm not saying you are…"

"Can we please drop this? It makes me really sad to think about you with anyone else besides me."

"Yeah. We can drop it." Jade slumped back in her seat. She loved Cat with all her heart. But sadly she knew that Cat wasn't going to be the end all be all of her romantic life. She just wished that Cat would give it a little bit of a chance.

"I love you," Cat quietly said over her menu. She was avoiding eye contact with Jade knowing that she hurt her.

"I love you too," Jade replied unable to look her in the eyes either.

"We're going to be okay," Cat said. It was half a question and half a statement.

"Yes, we will be okay."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Jade's fingers gently played with the keys of the piano.

"Not too bad, Vega," she said looking around the studio.

"Yeah, well, we weren't expecting Trina home when she left."

"Where is she sleeping now?"

"The old guest room. It's about half the size of this room." A cackle escaped Jade's lips. "You're always just so sensitive."

"You're always just so sensitive," Jade mocked her. Tori couldn't help but laugh.

"I feel like you've been doing that since I first got to Hollywood Arts."

"It used to piss you off. You're going soft on me."

"It's sentimental now. It lets me know we're in balance. Ya know?" Jade was taken aback.

"I guess…you're right."

"So, what direction do you want to take this song?" Tori asked sitting down next to Jade.

"I'm not sure if I want it to be something a little more upbeat than I'm used to or if I should just stick with what I know."

"Let's see…" Tori fiddled with a few notes. "Alright, how about it play something in a major key and then a minor key and see which one you're in the mood for?" Jade simply sat back. She wasn't used to giving up control this easily. She was impressed at how polished Tori had become since she started. In the beginning, she could be found clumsily fiddling with the piano. These days her playing had become more professional in nature.

"I think we should go with the major key," Jade told her.

"I think so too. I'm really feeling a happy song."

"Psh, figures…"

"Speaking of happy," Tori said trying to ignore Jade's distain, "how are you and Cat doing?" Jade's posture changed to a protective stance.

"Why? Has she been talking to you about us?"

"No I just thought I'd ask how you've been treating one of my best friends."

"My, my, someone is sassy."

"And someone is playing a whole lot of defense for nothing being wrong." The two girls stared into each other's eye as if to break each other. Jade's eyes were swimming with a hot passion while Tori's soft brown ones were fighting back. There was something about this dance between their two spirits that seemed to break Jade down. Something inside of her didn't want to fight with Tori. Not anymore. This was a new feeling for her.

"Fine, they could be a lot better," she admitted.

"How could they be any better? Every time I see you two you're like all over each other."

"I love Cat a lot. I want to do everything in my power to contribute to her happiness. But there are some times where I'm not so sure we're going to work out."

"Something happened last night at dinner, didn't it?"

"We talked about a lot of things…"

"Which things made you upset."

"Jesus, why are you interrogating me? It's not like you actually care about me or anything."

"Jade, are you being for real right now?"

"Tori, are you being stupid right now?"

"We've known each other for a hot minute, Jade. I was there when you came out…you were there when I came out. I helped Cat pick out the ring she gave you last year for Valentine's Day. You know you can tell me things and I'll listen as a friend."

"You're being totally serious, aren't you?" Tori nodded and gestured to the spot next to her on the piano bench. "Alright. I guess we are having some problems because I identify as…" Tori leaned forward as Jade's voice trailed off a bit.

"Go on…"

"You're gonna think I'm a freak," Jade said smiling slightly. Usually when she came out as poly, people just looked at her one of three ways: she was confused and giving gay people a bad name for wanting as much cake as she wanted and eating it too, she was a disgusting tramp for wanting to be with multiple people, or she was a disgusting tramp whose legs were spread for anyone to get inside.

"Honestly, you're talking to someone who is both half Hispanic and queer…I'm pretty sure by privilege standards I have no place to judge you for whatever you have to tell me."

"I'm polyamorous," Jade blurted out. Tori started laughing.

"Oh my god! Is that it?"

"Well…yeah…"

"Jade…I mean…come on! You had me going there for a second. I thought you were into some hard-core shit like drugs or you owed a loan shark some money."

"It's not funny, Vega."

"You know what? You're right. I shouldn't be laughing right now. Why is it causing you and Cat trouble?"

"Because she's not poly. She doesn't understand that just because I want to be in relationship with someone else that I will love her any less. It's just that I happen to love someone just as much who's in the relationship with us."

"How long have you known?"

"I had the feeling even before Beck and I started dating. There was something inside of me that just knew something was off about my relationships. When I came out as gay it kinda made sense that that might be it but then even in queer relationships I didn't feel completely right. I pinpointed it maybe a few months after Beck and I broke up."

"You strike me as someone who would be poly," Tori said.

"What makes you say that?" Jade snapped crossing her arms.

"Because of _that_!" Tori gestured to her posture. "You have such a cold…" she played with her hands as she looked for the word, "…attitude about things. I can only imagine that someone who is that cold on the outside is just super warm and fuzzy underneath it all to the point that you have almost too much love to give."

"That might be true but at the end of the day, I would never do anything to hurt Cat and I know the subject of me being with someone else is touchy. I keep bringing it up but I feel like it's not worth the fight right now."

"Wow...I feel like this is the most we've talked since knowing each other."

Something flickered in Tori's eyes as she looked at Jade. It was almost like a glimpse of intrigue had passed by her face. Maybe Jade was just imagining things because the conversation was getting so personal.

"So…this song we're writing," she said turning to the piano and cracking her knuckles.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

"How long are your parents going to be gone?" Jade asked as she threw Cat against her bedroom door.

"All night," she gasped when Jade's teeth sunk into her neck. "Be careful, babe."

"No," Jade whispered against her skin biting and sucking every inch of skin she could wrap her mouth around. Cat giggled.

"Someone is excited." Jade pulled back and raised an eyebrow.

"Are you trying to be a smart ass?" she asked. Cat realized her mistake in being bratty and quickly shook her head but it was too late. Jade's face had already lit up with wicked ideas on how she was going to punish her. "Go to the bed." Cat did as she was told. "Take off your pants and underwear…." Jade tilted her head as Cat obeyed her. She impulsively licked her lips as Cat exposed her ass to her. "Good girl." Jade rested a hand upon one of her cheeks. "Do you want me to spank you?" Cat simply nodded. Jade pulled at her hair. "I asked you a question," she hissed into the red head's ear.

"Yes, please…"

"Please what?"

"Master." Jade smiled and brought her hand down upon Cat's bare ass.

"More?" Cat's breathing was so intense she couldn't speak. She looked back at Jade, lips pressed tightly together to hush the moans building in her throat, and nodded. "Don't hold back?" Cat nodded again as Jade's hand came down for a second, a third, a fourth… she lost count in the dizziness that filled her brain. Jade bent down and lightly traced the red marks she'd left. Cat shuttered at her cold touch upon her sensitive skin. Jade then flicked her touch across the wounds before gently kissing them. "You're being such a good girl for me." Jade's finger softly ran over Cat's pussy. "And you're so wet for me too." Jade licked Cat's earlobe before whispering in her ear, "What do you want from me?"

"Whatever you want," Cat replied still breathless.

"That's what I like to hear." She flipped Cat over and started to remove the rest of her clothing.

"This doesn't seem fair," Cat said when she was lying completely naked beneath Jade. Jade gave her a warm smile.

"Why is that?"

"Because I like it when I can feel your skin against mine." Jade felt a rush of heat run down to her core. Whenever Cat would say sweet things like that while they were being kinky it turned her on so much more. It showed her that they were bringing sex, love, communication, and trust into the bedroom all at the same time. Jade started to unbutton her shirt and Cat reached up to help. Before long, the two girls were intertwined with one another never breaking eye contact.

"I love you," Jade whispered. It was the first time she'd said it first in a long time and it made Cat blush with excitement.

"I love you too." Jade positioned herself on top of Cat and grinded her pussy into Cat's causing Cat to groan with anticipation.

"You seem like you enjoy this."

"Please fuck me," Cat begged.

"You've already had enough?" Jade asked smirking once again. Cat nodded and looked at her with pleading eyes. "You're lucky I'm feeling merciful today." She took her middle and index finger and gently massaged Cat's opening.

"No more teasing," Cat breathed as Jade lightly traced her lips.

"Tisk, tisk, giving orders are we."

"Fuck me," Cat demanded. Jade saw the switch in her begin to show and knew she was close to losing control.

"Tell me you're mine then," Jade commanded.

"Babe, I'm yours…" Jade pushed her fingers inside Cat causing her to grip the sheets tightly.

"Don't you forget that," she breathed in Cat's ear.

After the two girls had had their fun, Jade flipped over to check her phone. She saw that Tori had sent her a text message.

**Hey, when do you wanna meet up for song writing?**

"Babe," she beckoned to Cat who was examining her back in the mirror to see what kind of damage Jade had done.

"Mhmm."

"When was our next date night?"

"Not until Tuesday."

"Alrighty…"

**How about tomorrow night?**

**That sounds good**

**So…what's up with you?**

**Just sitting around watching romantic comedies and trying to forget how sexually frustrated I am**

**Haha I feel bad for you**

**Why's that?**

**Because I am no longer sexually frustrated. I am very sexually satisfied right now. Vega, you need to get laid**

**Way to be an ass**

**I'm just saying it would do you some good**

"Who are you texting?" Cat asked trying to look at her own ass.

"Tori. We have that song we're writing together."

"But I thought you didn't like Tori."

"She's growing on me. At least she knows what she's doing for this song writing class."

"Aww." Cat ran in a small circle trying to get a better look at it.

"It's impossible," Jade said loudly before going back to her phone.

**I'm sorry if I upset you**

**You didn't really upset me. It's just been a while**

Something about the texts was getting awkward between them. It was as if the concept of Jade having sex was something that was slightly off limits.

**Can I help you find someone?**

**No, it's okay. I don't like having random sex where I'm not invested**

**You never cease to surprise me, Vega**

**Go back to your naked girlfriend**

Jade looked up and saw that Cat was texting as well.

"Did you…?" she asked giving Cat a look. Cat giggled.

"I just want you to myself now," she replied climbing back into bed with Jade.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five

"I could write a story about our lives

And how much we have grown

And how much we have known

And to no one's surprise

I'm…" Jade paused. "This damn chorus is the only thing that we need to finish."

"What about eyes?" Tori suggested leaning against the piano in a tired fashion.

"Would you stop throwing that cliché idea around this studio?" Jade snapped.

"Look, I'm just trying to get this thing finished," Tori said throwing her hands up in defense.

"Okay, let's work the eyes thing in…" Jade started up the bridge before the chorus again. "I could write a story about our lives

And how much we have grown

And how much we have known

And to no one's surprise

I'm…"

"…falling for your eyes

And you're the only thing I've been missing, in disguise

Baby it's crazy, you and I," Tori stepped in. Jade looked slightly impressed.

"Okay, I'll guess we'll go with eyes on that line."

"Told you I could make it work," Tori said smugly.

"Don't get a big head…" Jade wrote in the last part to their chorus. "But, you did do a lot better than I thought you would."

"Thank you. You're a very brilliant song writer yourself."

"Yeah… don't compare yourself to me." Jade ran a hand over her eyes. "So, you want to make this a regular thing?"

"Pairing up for song writing?"

"Yeah, I mean, I can tolerate you which is less than I can say about ninety percent of that class. Plus…" she knew she'd regret saying next, "You're actually somewhat talented."

"Aww, do you want to hug or something."

"Stop pushing it, Vega."

"Knew it was too good to be true." Tori drummed her fingers on the piano bench. "Don't you think it's a little funny how we wrote this song?"

"You mean by finding words that rhymed with each other and putting them over music? Gee, I wonder how many people do that when writing a song."

"I meant, ya know, the whole general theme of the song about growing up and realizing what's around…what's been there all along."

"Are you talking about Cat and I?"

"Not particularly. I feel like we've come a long way too. For example, I remember my second day of Hollywood Arts I kissed your boyfriend and made you cry."

"I was not crying. I was holding back a fit of rage that could have potentially killed you in an instant."

"The intensity must have gotten to you and your eyes started sprouting emotion juice then."

"Exactly." The two girls shared a quick laugh.

"I never thought you'd be sitting here after that day."

"I was slightly terrible to you," Jade admitted. "I was intimidated. I was queen bee. Everyone would always harp on how talented I was before you came along."

"I don't even think I'm as talented as you are," Tori confessed.

"Well, everyone else thought you were and it didn't matter how I felt about me."

"I understand. When you're young other people's opinions are truer than yours."

"Yeah but I grew out of that."

"I did too. But when you grow up with someone like Trina you kind of have to learn that lesson very quickly."

"Vega, if I tell you this and then you go and tell someone else, I swear I will take a pair of scissors and…"

"Jade, I'm sure whatever nice thing you have to say to me will not be readily believed by anyone anyway."

"Well…I like talking to you. You make me feel comfortable and safe."

"Aww…"

"Okay, stop that." Tor threw her arms around Jade in a breath-taking hug.

"I knew you couldn't hate me that much!"

"But, like I said, if you tell anyone…"

"I know, I know." Tori was smiling much bigger than usual as she started packing up their sheet music.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

"How is your dinner?" Cat asked. For some reason, she was being less touchy feely with Jade, it concerned her but she didn't let it show.

"It's fine," Jade replied. She felt sick to her stomach. She couldn't eat when she was worried like this. She had to force her dinner down her throat and was now paying the physical price for it.

"We really need to talk, Jade," Cat finally voiced. Her small and timid way of talking had shrunk into barely whisper as she avoided eye contact with her girlfriend. Jade nodded.

"You want to take a walk after this?" Cat nodded. They returned to paying the bill in silence. Jade kept her eyes focused on the back wall located behind Cat so that she didn't have to linger on her face for too long.

"You know I love you, right?" Cat asked once they had started journeying around the shopping center where the restaurant was located.

"I do…"

"Then you can understand why I have been so…concerned lately."

"I don't…"

"Jade, the thought of you being with someone else makes me sick to my stomach. I know that you're slowly going crazy with the thought of monogamy.."

"I'm not going crazy!" Jade interjected. She would have said anything at this point to get Cat and her back to where they were before this dinner.

"I know you. I know you're secretly hurting. I'm denying you something that is apart of who you are."

"I don't want to lose you…" something in Jade's voice cracked and for the first time in a long time, Cat saw the broken girl Jade worked so hard to protect. One could almost feel their heartstrings being ripped apart from their chests.

"I just have my doubts because it's so new to me. I have my feelings that it's just you wanting to sleep with other people and then once you've had your fun, you'll come and want to settle down with me. It makes me feel like I'm not enough for you and you want to find someone else and this is an easier way to do it."

"Please, don't do this."

"I think we should take a little break from each other so that I can figure out for myself if I can do this. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know that we're young and everything but I've made that decision and I want to be sure I can survive any bumps in our romantic relationship."

"Cat…please…"

"I'm sorry, Jade," she reached up and kissed Jade's cheek softly. "This is what I have to do." It felt like their fingers were running water slowly parting from one another like two streams. It was an eternity in Jade's mind before Cat's hand finally left hers. Jade simply stood there in disbelief. She thought that her and Cat could survive anything that the world threw at them. She never thought that their downfall would come from within like this. Without even thinking, she took out her cell phone and called Tori.

"Hey, can you meet me at the shopping center where the sushi place is…?"

"Have you been crying?" Tori asked.

"No!" Jade snapped. "Shit, nevermind, Vega."

"Hold on, hold on, I'll be right there," Tori said. Jade heard the sound of keys jingling as Tori said something to her mom about borrowing the car. "Coming." She hung up.

"I didn't think anything could come between you two," Tori said once the two girls had settled down in a nearby coffee shop.

"Maybe I'm being stupid…maybe I'm being greedy…maybe I'm just making excuses for having a problem wanting to fuck other people…"

"Jade, don't talk about yourself like that. Look, I feel like the queer community isn't really up to speed on things like polyamory. Ya know, we go our whole lives wanting others to respect our relationships and understand that for most of us it's something we grew up knowing and the once you introduce someone who can't stay commit to the ideal of monogamy for a reason, their relationships aren't respected at all."

"You really think this is why my mind is wired?"

"That or you might actually be more evolved than the rest of society. Think about, monogamy was formed as a Western custom. Before then, it was actually beneficial for society to have people with multiple partners because it meant that the population would thrive and prosper. We're not designed to be with one person. That's not how our brains formed over the years. Some people, with time, have adapted to what society wants. But I feel like you've adapted to listen to truly what your brain and heart want. You're not trying to subscribe to some way of life that was constructed in order to squash sexuality in general."

"I feel bad, Vega. I let her down."

"No one let anyone down. This is just a matter of her realizing how great of a person you are…" Tori looked taken aback that she'd said anything positive about Jade's treatment of other people.

"How long is that going to take?" Jade asked burying her face in her hands.

"I'm sure that if you give her the space she needs, she'll figure it out sooner than later."

"What if this is the kiss of death to our relationship?"

"I personally think that love conquers all. Even a momentary lapse of who your partner truly is."

"…Thanks, Vega. I really needed to hear what you had to say." Jade sighed and looked around the coffee shop. "Can we move onto talking about something else?"

"Yeah, sure. How about the new song we're going to be writing together?"

"Sounds like it's going to be a sad one this time."

"Whatever makes you happy, hun." Jade raised an eyebrow. Tori using pet names when addressing her? It seemed weird.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

"You make me powerless

You make me weak

It's intoxicating

Almost like I can't breathe," Tori turned to Jade as if looking for approval.

"Too optimistic," Jade said keeping her lips pursed and legs crossed.

"Oh, come on! I'm talking about not breathing, aren't I?"

"Vega, you have a lot to learn about the dark side of love before tackling a love song with me."

"Alright," Tori gestured to the piano, "show me, Master." Jade paused. Tori didn't know what that word did to her. She did her best to brush it off and proceed.

"I'm tied up in lies

Hoping, waiting, falling

Standing beside you

With this desire to touch you

But this might be the end." Tori raised an eyebrow.

"Too slow this time," she said.

"UGH!" Jade threw her arms into the air and flopped back onto the table behind her. "No pleasing you. No pleasing you at all."

"I'm sorry. My taste in love songs is all about, ya know, we're happy and it's upbeat and everything in the world is fine…"

"You've never encountered love and lust at it's finest, Vega. That's the problem. You've never been in that situation where you see something in front of you and you want it so badly that you'd do anything to have it. That sexual tension that builds between two people dancing on the brink of attraction…" Jade looked over at Tori who was hanging on every word she said. "Hypothetically speaking of course."

"Well, well," Tori said smiling and shaking her head, "Jade West, wouldn't have pictured you as a romantic."

"What're you talking about?"

"The way that you talk about sex and love is very romantic indeed. If I didn't know any better your cynical outlook on life just might have more feelings attached to it than I thought."

"Yeah, well, it hasn't always been a bed of roses," Jade confessed sitting up and moving back towards the piano. She started playing around with a few chords.

"What do you mean?" Tori asked watching her fingers play across the keys.

"I mean I had a rough childhood. Doesn't everyone?"

"Not really…unless you count being related to Trina a rough childhood…"

"Your parents never fought and stuff like that?"

"No, not really."

"Hmm…" Jade had perhaps said too much for one night.

"If you don't mind me asking…"

"Well, I do mind so…" she started humming a tune that could work for the refrain.

"Do you not talk about it a lot?" Tori asked. Jade sighed and turned to look Tori dead in the eyes.

"Vega, I'm starting to like you. If you want to keep it that way I suggest you stop sticking your nose in places where it doesn't belong."

"Then I guess I don't want you to like me anymore." Jade never broke eye contact with Tori as she attempted to get her to back down. "I'm just saying that maybe it would be healthy for you to talk about it with someone since you and Cat…"

"I'm perfectly aware of what Cat and I are, thank you very much."

"There's that bitterness coming out again."

"Okay, Vega, you win! When I was a kid my parents fought a lot because my mom had problems. She ended up dying when I was about seven leaving my father and I alone and cold to one another. There ya go, ya happy?" Tori seemed a little taken a back but still just as keen on learning about Jade as before.

"What kind of problems?" Jade slammed her head on the piano.

"She…she was never really satisfied with her life. She was always chasing something new. One week it would be that she wasn't in love with my father and she needed a new boyfriend. Another week it would be heroin. Another week it would be exercise or not eating at all. She was always just trying to move onto this big, new something that was never going to happen because she was trapped in this world as a mother and wife."

"Was she a good mom?"

"On the weeks where she felt like she'd found something to tie the time over before she got bored of the high, she was a great mom. During the time she felt worthless and cast away by the rest of the world, she was an utter nightmare to be around. All she and my dad did was fight when she got like that." Jade felt something start to warm up inside by sharing this with Tori. It was almost like the physical reaction of emotional walls coming down was happening inside of her.

"What happened? I mean…"

"How'd she die?" Tori nodded. "She overdosed. She was running around with this new boyfriend who was getting started in the meth business and my mom was his taste tester. She ended getting a bad batch that left her dead in a bathtub. This guy didn't even have the decency to drop her off in front of a hospital. He ended up leaving her in some alley near his lab. That's how he got caught."

"You don't usually talk about this?"

"No. I remember going to the police station with my dad when he needed to identify her. He was sad and all but he sounded so relieved when he came out and told me that mom wasn't coming home with us this time. He said that we'll always know where she is from now on but it's somewhere we can't get to…" Jade smiled. "She used to take me to IHOP when I was a kid. Once a month when she was on a high note. She would take me to IHOP and beg for me to sing to her in the car on the way there. She told me she was going to be there at my first Grammy acceptance."

"You and your dad kinda had to make it on your own from there."

"We did. But he was never the same. She wasn't actively addicted to anything when they first started dating. She promised him that she wouldn't break him. She wasn't going to be like the rest. I mean, she was half right about that one. He hasn't been the same. He's always been afraid to show affection and let people in. He doesn't…he can't take being shattered into a million pieces again."

"I feel terrible that I haven't ever had to go through something like that…"

"Don't feel terrible. Just don't take it for granted either."

"Jade West, I think I'm seeing sides of you I though I'd never see before."

"Don't get used to it," Jade said snapping back into her normal self. "This song isn't going to write itself."

"I still think it would do better being more upbeat."

"The point is to make the melody haunting just like desire is."

"Desire doesn't have to be haunting if you have the ovaries to pursue it."

"But…" Jade didn't have a come back for that one. She watched as Tori played around with her chords in a major key with a pick up in tempo. It was as if she was seeing her in a whole new light. Tori wasn't just some girl in her song writing class that she was paired with. She now knew all these deep, dark corners inside of Jade's heart. It made her scared…it made her excited…it made her feel…

"See. That's so much better," Tori said. Jade hadn't been listening at all.

"Whatever."


End file.
